I know that this mess is my own doing,

I know this chaos is the work of my own hand,

I know I could sit here and complain to You for hours,

But I really don’t have a leg on which to stand.

I know I often fall below the standards,

The ones which You have laid out for me,

And I know my vain ambition and selfish desires,

Make this “holy” life of mine a mockery.

My heart knows the right way to do things,

But my flesh always seems to get in the way.

What I want to do, I don’t do,

And what I don’t want to do, I do anyway.

I wake up every morning and make a decision,

That today will be better than the one before;

But most of the time I take three steps backwards,

Before I’ve even taken one step out the door.

I pray for You to use me and anoint me,

Then I get distracted by my selfish wants and needs;

I strive for a life that’s worth Your calling,

But I so often see failure staring back at me.

I know Your strength is perfect in my weakness,

And I know Your grace covers a multitude of sin;

But I can’t help but feel I’m letting down the Kingdom,

Every time I quit before I can even begin.

I beg You to send your Holy Spirit,

But then I’m so eager to push Him aside,

When the trials and the tests of my failing existence,

Make me look for a rock under which to hide.

My soul longs to forever sing Your praises,

My spirit wants to live in constant truth;

But the truth is that I am just a sinner,

Falling every day; desperately seeking You.

Who am I that You are mindful of me?

I don’t understand why You’d even be here?

Why would You bother with someone so fickle?

Why would infinite Glory and Power even care?

Why would the God of the universe choose me,

When I let You down every single day?

Why would You leave the 99 just to find me,

Even though I’m the one who ran away?

I wonder if here is where You’ll meet me,

If all I have to do is come and knock;

Will You fling the door wide open for me?

Will You reach down and bring me out from under the rock?

The Word says when I knock You will be there,

If I choose to seek You I will find

That you bridge the gap between my self and my eternity,

Even though it make no sense in my mind.

So Lord here I am in my humanity,

Once again falling on my knees;

Even though I know it wont be long ‘til I’m here again,

I’m asking for You to again forgive me please.

I believe You know my tired heart is trying,

That I fall sometimes but I’m doing my best;

And I’m trusting alone in Your mercy,

And believing that Your grace will do the rest.

And as I take another step forward,

I’m hoping that You’ll remain here at my side.

And even though I know I’ll no doubt fail again,

Its under the shadow of Your wings that I now hide.

©️ Ferne Hood 2024