Hello. It’s been a while. Turns out I didn’t have much to say. I guess the last two years have crushed the old creativity somewhat. But here I am, back again. Or at least trying. Still not sure I have much to say but maybe I’ll find some words along the way

It occurred to me the other day that most peoples instagram feed isn’t filled with homeschoolers and homesteaders, the odd prepper and a bunch of goats and I thought, “who on earth do ‘normal’ people follow if they’re not following all this?!” I’m genuinely curious, because if you’re not learning how to make your own chicken feed, the best way to preserve meat and how to teach your kids the anatomy of an octopus, what exactly are you doing?!

If you’re anything like me (and I hope at least some of you are, so I’m not a big loner in all this ha!) the last two years of the world imploding has meant you’ve spent bit more time in a virtual world of scrolling and watching and insta-rabbit trails, whether its watching videos of goats (I really love goats hey) or travel or design or politics or memes about cats or whatever Blake Lively wore to the latest event. If that’s not you then well done amazing human ha, but for those of us who often find ourselves escaping through a screen, maybe these thoughts could be for you.

I know a million people have said a million things about ‘comparison,’ it’s a well discussed topic. But I had a little personal revelation that I thought I’d share. So here are my 2 cents that maybe no-one asked for!

As I said, I follow a lot of homeschoolers and homesteaders because that’s my world, well at least the homeschooling part is (working on the old ‘steading!) So I see all sorts of different people doing all sorts of different things. I get inspired and motivated and encouraged… by most of them. But there is one account which I found having the absolute opposite affect. A family that I have followed for years, who are doing everything I want to do.. but seemingly better. And who are doing everything I wish I was doing and all the things I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do. Her kids are brilliant, and so good at life and learning, and so helpful and don’t seem to ever fight. Her home is immaculate and there are no screens to be seen and there’s lovely reading nooks in every corner and everyone works in this glorious peaceful environment before they come together to do the housework and tend to the farm. Then her youngest cooks dinner with homegrown meat and veggies and it’s a gloriously wonderful life.

Now obviously I know all about highlight reels and people only posting the good things and all that, I’m seasoned enough in social media not to be naive and I have certainly posted my fair share of rose coloured pictures. But I also know, from the years following her, that they are actually genuinely crushing it at this life I am aspiring to, and after encountering her in other homeschool circles I follow, I know she is the real deal. But instead of following her to feel inspired and motivated, every single post I see started making me feel awful – like an inadequate failure with a messy house, a weedy veggie garden and kids who can’t get through 10 minutes of ‘cleaning up’ without making each other cry. I know the heart behind her account is not to make anyone feel like this, she is just sharing her days, and it’s actually my own personal struggles, insecurities, lack of self belief, little space and sleep and time that make me feel like this.

BUT the revelation was this – I don’t actually have to keep following her. And that is more than ok. It may be obvious, but apparently it wasn’t all that obvious to me, that I can make the choice to simply press ‘unfollow’ and remove that temptation for comparison and feeling awful about my life. I have the utmost respect for this mom, I am in awe of how well she does life, I would love to meet her one day to just be able to tell her how incredible I think she is. But my heart and my mental well being and my children do not need me obsessing over how well other people in different hemispheres, with different environments and different circumstances are coping, at the expense of me feeling like I’m failing because I don’t seem to be doing any of it as well as she is.

I’ve unfollowed lots of people in the past for various reasons but I hadn’t ever unfollowed anyone for these reasons. I felt guilty, like I was judging her. But that was not the heart behind it. And I promise you, unfollowing that account was so releasing for me. And I went on to unfollow a few more. Not because there is anything wrong with these people, they are incredible, and I am in awe of them, but I do not need to spend time watching their lives every day wishing my home and my schooling and my laundry and my hobbies and my bookshelf looked like theirs. Instead I can pour that focus and energy into making our lives the best they can be.

My kids are beyond perfect and I know I am the perfect mom for them, as much as I tend to doubt it a lot of the time. And they may never learn the way some other person’s kids on the other side of the plant learn, and that’s more than ok. And my house may never ever be spotless and that’s more than ok. And my veggie garden might need some major miracles, and I may have 7 piles of clean washing to sort out, and things may not be Instaperfect and that is so much more than ok. Because this is my life and it’s spectacular in it’s imperfection and I actually don’t need to compare it to anyone.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is, if there is someone you are following and you find yourself feeling really down about yourself or your life or your job or your body or your anything after you have seen their posts then why don’t you try to simply press ‘unfollow’ and focus on the real right in front of you instead of the best parts of someone else’s reel, someone you may not even know… or maybe even someone you do.

Maybe it’s ok to just unfollow. And live your own best life.