Dear Fellow Preggy Mama,

How are you? Are you doing ok?

In my last post I was talking about how hard the first 2 trimesters of this pregnancy had been, with the fires and everything.. I was so full of hope for an easy third trimester.. ha! And then along came one healthy dose of gestational diabetes and a scare at a routine ultrasound which led to the 4 longest weeks of my entire life (but today we were told he is 100% healthy – Thank You Jesus!)

Oh and also a global pandemic.

We are doing well here folks! My Mom was saying today how this kid has already lived so much life and he’s not even born yet..

So no, this trimester along with the rest of my pregnancy has not exactly been how I envisioned it.. and I’m sure it’s absolutely not how you envisioned yours either. No one expects what should be one of the happiest times of your life to be marred by a world half shut down and half gone mad. If you’re anything like me, the roller coaster of emotions you may feel right now is incredibly real and incredibly intense..

On one hand you are so beyond excited to be bringing another life into the world and you cannot wait to kiss that little face.. On the other hand you’re absolutely terrified to bring another life into this world and you’re wondering if you even can kiss his face..

Part of you is embracing the unexpected down time to relax before baby (and by relax I obviously mean frantically clean and cull every inch of the home you can no longer leave), and the other half of you wishes you could just go out and buy all the pretty things you’ve wanted to buy for so long, instead of filling endless virtual carts online and hardly purchasing a thing because its just not the same.

You are so grateful, beyond grateful, to be pregnant and carrying life within you, no matter what the current climate is because you know there are countless women who would give anything to simply be pregnant at all..

And yet, it is so hard to always find the joy because it’s just not supposed to be like this – you’re not supposed to have to speak to the lady at the ultrasound place through a mask and a screen from 2 metres away.. you’re not supposed to rush in and out of every antenatal appointment nervous to even breathe the hospital air.. you’re not supposed to have to tell your other kids they can’t come meet their little brother the day he is born.. your baby’s grandparents and great grandparents are not supposed to have to see him for the first time through a screen.. And you’re definitely not supposed to be afraid that they will tell you your partner can’t be there when you’re in labour..

Regardless of how grateful and blessed and happy you are to be having baby, doing it in the world we find ourselves in right now is really flippin’ scary and really flippin’ hard..

And you may feel really guilty for feeling all these things, I know I do..

But I just wanted to tell you that it’s ok.. it’s ok to grieve for the way it should have been while still doing your best to embrace the way that it is. It’s ok to cry about a cancelled baby shower or your parent’s cancelled flights. It’s ok to be really really frustrated that you can’t even go grocery shopping, or to be wondering how you will cope when baby arrives and no one can come and help you fold the washing and clean the kitchen.. It’s ok to wish your mom could put her hand on your belly and feel your baby kick instead of just having to be satisfied with bathroom bump selfies from across the country, or across the world.. It’s ok to be scared and frustrated and disappointed and overwhelmed. You’re not alone.

But girls, we are going to get through this, and we are going to have our beautiful babies, and they’re going to be perfect and we are going to finish strong.. This virus will end.. the madness will cease, and life will resume eventually… And when it does we will look back on this season with the utmost pride because we gave birth in truly crazy circumstances, and we went through something very few people have..

Times are real tough right now girls, it’s true .. but guess what – so are we, and we can do this.

So hang in there.. you’re doing better than you think you are,

Love, Ferne