November | 2024 | blossom & rain

Breath fills my lungs without me even knowing,

Subconscious evidence that proves that I’m alive,

This space inside my chest constantly rises and falls;

In and out, over and over, just like the tide.

It’s almost as if there’s something within me,

Telling my lungs to inflate when I have nothing left;

Like eternity, or hope, or some kind of Holy force –

Telling my humanity to take another breath.

Sometimes the inadequacy threatens to undo me,

And shame walks hand in hand with the fight;

How can I expect to withstand the battle and the fire,

If sometimes I can barely make it through the night?

Pretending masquerades as having it all together,

But let’s lay aside pretence for the sake of transparency –

I have calloused knees and shelves full of abandoned dreams,

Looking again for words to put on blank pages inside of me.

I feel like I’ve been searching for You for my whole life,

While I wonder why You’d even bother with me;

But I find myself here on the worn carpet once again,

Daring myself to fall again at feet I cannot see.

So I kneel in the silence and I wait for You,

Hoping You will meet me here in this empty space;

I try my best not to hide my exhausted expectations,

As all my masks fall with the tears that line my face.

And like a whisper of a wind I feel Your presence,

Deep inside I know You’ve been there from the start;

I know You can put the pieces of me back together again,

Because before it shattered, it was You who made my heart.

And I hear You say ~

“El Roi

I am the God who sees you,

El Roi

I am the God who sees,

El Roi

I am the God who treasures every breath,

And every hair, and every tear.

El Roi

I heard every shattered prayer,

El Roi

I know when it hurt to speak My name,

El Roi

I was there in every struggle,

I was holding you when you fell on your knees again.

El Roi

I saw every tear you ever cried,

El Roi

I told your lungs to rise when hope had died,

El Roi

I never turned away,

When you chose not to seek My face,

When you couldn’t say My name, I still knew yours.

El Roi

The peace that passes understanding,

El Roi

A light shimmering in the dark,

El Roi

I saw every single battle,

And all your pain is reflected in all My scars.

El Roi

I’m the holder of your dreams,

El Roi

I am the rock under your feet,

El Roi

I will give you the words to say,

And I never looked away,

It’s still you I choose to see, even when you can’t face Me.

El Roi

The beginning and the end,

El Roi

Your ever present strength.

El Roi

I am the God who sees,

So lift your eyes and look at me.

El Roi

Theres nothing else that you can do,

I am God who still sees you.”

So I’ll sing Hallelujah,

Through the pain.

I’ll sing Hallelujah,

Although I’m broken.

I’ll sing Hallelujah,

If it’s the last thing I can do.

I’ll sing Hallelujah,

On my face in front of You.

I’ll sing Hallelujah,

With my knees on the ground.

I’ll sing Hallelujah,