She sat on her bed, tears on her cheeks. She felt like a failure. Again. She was exhausted. Another day had come and gone. Full of elaborate stories and never ending questions, constant bickering and whinging, and the way they always needed all of the things. Harsh words, long tantrums and short tempers. Overreactions. Noise and chaos. Feeling like she wasn’t enough.

She loved them with all her heart. She wouldn’t change it for the world, this life she chose. Or did it choose her? Sometimes though, it was just so hard. But she knew time was fleeting. One day they would leave her and go off on their own adventures. Spread their wings and fly while she watched on from a big old empty nest. She spent so many nights beating herself up over too many “not nows” and regretting all the times she said she was too busy, all those frustrated moments of “please can you just leave me alone so I can finish this!” She knew that whatever ‘this’ was, it definitely wasn’t worth their heart; it wasn’t worth the minutes with them that she would never get back. She wished she could remember that, when stuff thrown all over the floor, and never ending washing and dirty dishes and dirty nappies and the need to repeat herself fifty thousand times made her forget. 

Every day she forgot. 

She stared out the window at the sky. It was full of stars. They looked like little polka dots of grace in the dark.

Everything seemed right out there. The moon, the stars, the frogs and crickets, that owl off in the distance somewhere. They all knew how to do it right. She wished she could do it right. She wished she could capture the way they could simply be, the way they shone, the way they sang and danced together without a care in the world.

The way they made each other better. 

She smiled as she wiped her tears. She snuck into their room. Gently she nudged their shoulders, rousing them from their dreams. She was met with grumbles from the middle one. She bundled them up in an odd assortment of warmth and she looked at them, standing there in front of her like a little band of half asleep lost boys.

Tears were in her eyes… again. 

Maybe there really was grace for tomorrow. 

“Where we going, Mama?” the little one asked. 

She picked her up and kissed her little face. It was full of freckles. They looked like little polka dots of hope in the dark. 

“We’re going to catch the moon.”